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Joke of the Day

"My niece just yelled ""MY DINNER IS BETTER THAN YOUR DINNER"" so I looked over and she was eating doritos with a fork"

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"Why can't the T-Rex clap it's hands? Because it's extinct."
"I'm confused. Hi Confused. I'm a dad joke."
"POKER ANIMALS Q: What animal should you never play cards with? A: A cheetah!"
"How do you stop an Ethiopian tank with a gun? Shoot the people pushing it."
"Can anyone recommend a good movie to kinda listen to while I stare at my phone?"
"What did the elephant say to his girlfriend? ""I love you a ton!"""
"What is the purpose of war? ""God created War so that Americans would learn Geography"" - Mark Twain"
"Waiter! Oh Waiter! Yes, I`d like to know if I have earned any CashBack Reward`sTM with the purchase of my farm fresh miniature cucumber plate"
"[coming out of coma] Doc: You survived the heart attack Me: I'm going to eat right & get fit D: *shows me hospital bill* M: *pulls plug*"