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Joke of the Day

"Reducing air pollution isn't an easy task, it's emission."

"Me: I fell down the stairs with a quart of Jagermeister & I didn't spill a drop. Him: Well, how'd you do that? Me: I kept my mouth shut.."

"Opinions are like Assholes... Everyone has one, and some just taste better than others."

"Dad asks his kids what the third planet from the sun is called? Kids: - Earth! Dad: - Yeah, but it has another name. Kids: - Oh, dad. We don't know! Tell us! Dad: - Exactly! [drops mic]"

"Today i started stalking guys. Not for any gay reason but it's so much easier to do. Women always complain, guys don't suspect a thing."

"I would vote for Trump if I could because I've never seen a president get assassinated"

"Whenever you get mad, just think of a t-rex trying to masturbate."

"Friend: You thinking what I'm thinking? Me: It's bullshit there weren't schools from other continents in the Triwizard Tournament? F: ...."

"How do you know that a dog is a man's best friend? Take your girl and your dog, and lock them in the back of a car, return in 5 hours, which one do you think will be happy to see you?"

"I've been busy. What are we unnecessarily outraged about now?"