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Joke of the Day

"Bernie Sanders Draws 28,000 in Portland Rally I never would have guessed he was such a talented and quick artist."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? It was actually a double cross. He had to cross the road in order to gain the trust of the other side."

"""Dude, what's with the outfit?"" ""Bruh, I got a job as a bouncer"" *hops away in kangaroo costume*"

"Hi. My name is Bill Gates and today, I will be teaching you how to count to ten: 1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10"

"What kind of jeans does mario wear? [Denim denim denim.](http://youtu.be/rdnTvgK2o5I) ^^^^^^shamelessly ^^^^^^stolen ^^^^^^from ^^^^^^tumblr"

"A musician, a lumberjack, and a mathematician were in a room together... They made a log-rhythm."

"Been waiting at the bar for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for fuck sake!!!!!"

"Why do tigers have stripes? They don't want to be spotted."

"My sex life is a lot like the Olympic 100m final. I wait 4 years for it and it's over in less than 10 seconds."

"Why couldn't the bike stand on it's own? Because it was two tired."