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Joke of the Day

"Where does a pornstar go for timeout? The casting couch"

"Todays stats: My 3yr old got pissed off with me because I couldn't stop the wind."

"How do you put elephant in the fridge? - Answer is open the door and just put the elephant in the fridge."

"[with my pet bird at the park] Hot girl: omg ur duck is so cute Me: *covering mr quackers ears* he's a mallard u idiot get away from me"

"A joke so absolutely filthy I can't put it in the title Rio Olympics"

"Promoting a film with ""From the producers of..."" is like advertising a sandwich with the words ""From the supermarket that also sells jam""."

"I got a phone call from a girl saying ""Come over! No one's home!"" I went over and no one was home -Rodney Dangerfield"

"Why does pasta always have to pay so much for car insurance? Because it can't drive a car without making it all denty."

"Top of my Med School Class: I don't just play God, I win. *definitely not remotely true*"

"What's the difference between a woman and a plate? You can't lick a woman dry. Rimshot*"