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Joke of the Day

"Have you heard Schrodinger's joke? It's both funny and not funny at the same time, but there is no way of knowing if anyone else will laugh at it until you've told it."

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"Nobody really knew that grandma had dentures until.... ...it came out during a conversation"
"Her: Oh, please... You'll make a pass at anything in a skirt. Me: Yeah, last night a Scotsman nearly killed me!"
"My grandfather always used to tell me... you can lead a horse to water, but if you can teach him to fish, you need to lay off the fucking acid."
"Wife: I made you an appt. with the eye doctor Me: [spreading cream cheese onto Destiny's Child CD] MY EYES ARE FINE"
"How do you get jizz off a Scrabble board? Don't bother, that's 29 points right there."
"Whites are just like Asians, but with a cock"
"So, a man with a baby newt on his head walks into a barber's... And says, ""Short back and sides, axolotl off the top."""
"What's the difference between a star and America? The star has a bright future."
"My relationship with my cat is like that of a married couple. Basically we fight a lot and never have sex."