205611

Joke of the Day

"So I decided to write a song about tortillas... Well, it's actually more of a wrap."

"""Your storage is full"" thanks Apple, I'll just go and delete some photos of friends and family, but at least I'll always have the stocks app"

"A naughty child was irritating all the passengers on the flight from London to New York. At last one man could stand it no longer. ""Hey kid,"" he shouted. ""Why don't you go outside and play?"""

"I love how people act like they don't want to be followed in the street yet they keep looking back at you to see if you're still there."

"Life is scary; at least the salary is funny."

"I got a letter from my sister. She just had a baby. But she didn't say whether it's a boy or girl. So I don't know if I'm an uncle or an aunt."

"Ladies; if you're not prepared to drink the whole bottle of wine, don't even uncork it."

"How can you tell if a potato is baked? It's [eyes](http://i.imgur.com/KwCyY.jpg) are all red and glossy."

"What do you tell a girl with two black eyes? Nothing, she has already been told twice."

"Why did the kid drop his ice cream? Because the bus hit him."