205611

Joke of the Day

"So I decided to write a song about tortillas... Well, it's actually more of a wrap."

"I don't understand ads on p0rn sites. like who is ever in the middle of jerking off then goes like ""woah! that's the new detergent?"""

"Me: I've invested heavily in hedgehog funds. You: I think you mean hedge funds. *opens door to roomful of hedgehogs* Me: Nope."

"Our laundry room flooded because an apple chunk clogged the washer hose. Go ahead, have kids. They have pocket apples."

"Why did reddit's admins go back to school? because they can't spell ""read it""."

"What did Hillary say when she bumped into Barack Obama at the White House? Pardon me."

"How can a girl make you a millionnaire? If you're already a billionnaire."

"They say that every time you have sex it's the same amount of exercise as running 5 miles But I think that's bullshit because I've never run 5 miles in 30 seconds."

"What do old people smell like? Depends"

"If I was a fashion designer Id call myself ""who"" so when celebs are asked who are they wearing they can say ""Who?"" ""Yes who?"" ""Yes."""