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Joke of the Day

"The worst time of day is when people start coming in the office. They are all cheerful and shit. Settle down jerks, it's work not an orgy."

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"So Kim Jong-un is claiming he personally hacked into Sony's servers in retaliation to them broadcasting a spoof interview. Is there no end to this Olympic gold Medallist's talent?"
"Why did the hippy drown at the beach? Because he was too far out mannnn."
"Ever had sex while camping? ... ITS FUCKING INTENTS"
"A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. ""Och, I look like a pig!"" The man nods, ""And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"""
"A. Schwarzenegger has it long, Brad Pitt short, Madonna does not have it and the Pope does not use it. What is it? A surname."
"The Passion of the Christ 2: Jesus in Space He conquered the sins of the world, but can he conquer the sins of the galaxy?"
"I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?"
"I wanted to tell a really grizzly joke on this subreddit.... Then I thought you guys won't be able to bear it."
"My SO is on a diet and I noticed she was staring at her food so I asked why..... She said 'I'm watching what I eat'."