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Joke of the Day

"If I was a boss anywhere my job interviews would consist of only one question: who do you play as in Mario Kart"

"I was created in a gas station. I was an in-petro fertilization baby."

"I'm really irritated by people that are missing phalanges. I guess I'm lactose intolerant."

"Shitting myself about this Ebola situation... Which is worrying, because that's one of the symptoms."

"My first time having sex... ...was fucking shit."

"Wife must be planning to paint the house. I found plastic & tape under our bed. Not sure what the shovel & pistol are for."

"The next person who says it's not the heat, it's the humidity will learn it's not my fist, it's the impact."

"I just ate raw chicken fingers And then I threw up gang signs."

"My son fell of the couch and said ""I broke my butt!"" So I said ""I get some super glue to fix it."" He said ""ya but it already had a Crack in it!"""

"mankind tried to Make Fire by banging 2 Rocks together.. All It got was Stone Cold"