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Joke of the Day

"What did Johnny Cash say to the waitress after he got sick at a Mexican restaurant? I've bean everywhere, ma'am!"

"My girlfriend walked in on me putting on a condom. She said, ""What are you doing?"" I said, ""Wrapping your Christmas present!"""

"OH MY GOD THE INSPIRATIONAL TWEETS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE"

"You can make jokes about anything, just not mexicans That's crossing the border!"

"Wife: How's the baby? Me: He keeps trying to shove socks thru the mail slot. Wife: Aw. His socks or yours? Me: Socks is the neighbor's cat.."

"I entered an astronomy competition the other day... ...I didn't come first but I did get a constellation prize "

"Why is Mickeys dog named Pluto? Because hes not a planet."

"How's it going? ""I'm so glad you asked, really need to talk to someone right now"" You're supposed to say 'fine' & ask how I am. Bye."

"Being cross-eyed has made it difficult for me to stay in monogamous relationships Sometimes when I'm seeing a girl I can't help but also see someone else on the side"

"How can you tell if someone is a marathon runner? Don't worry, they'll let you know."