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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend has terrible eyesight... she's always accidentally sleeping with other guys. Poor girl."

"What did the Muslim bring to the Holiday party? Falafel and hummus."

"skippin the intro of a game and then realizin you have no idea what the objectives are just walking round aimlessly hoping something pops up"

"I bet hipsters love Mondays just to be ironic, but mostly because they're unemployed."

"Why don't many buddhists work in the railroad industry? they have too many ohms to be good conductors."

"Is Miley Cyrus pregnant? Will The government stay shut down? Will the GTA online servers work? Find out on the next episode of Dragon Ball Z"

"My most forced joke. How did the lumberjack keep his business from falling behind when all the trees ran out? By moving faux wood. Rimshot?"

"{Working as a bouncer} ID please *looks* Okay you can go *softly kisses their forehead first*"

"Report: Scientist walks in on climate changing, awkwardness ensues"

"I've gone from agony to ecstasy in this last week. Hopefully, by the end of this month... ...I'll be done reading this dictionary."