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Joke of the Day

"Get really close to a dog. Look them in the eyes. Hiss ""who do you think you are?"" as you pet them"

"What Do You Call an Epileptic in a Pile of Leaves? Russell"

"Nurse: Doctor there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown. Doctor: What does he call his other eye?"

"Why are my pubes curly? Because if they were straight, they'd be poking you in the eyes."

"A Mexican kid passes a note to his friend in class. ""What do you think you're doing?"" the observant teacher asks. To which he replies... ""writing an ese"""

"They aren't so different. A pizza delivery man and a Gynecologist aren't so different when you think about it. They both can smell it, but they can't eat it."

"I told you ill be there in 5 minutes. Stop calling me every half an hour."

"Me: Damn girl your new selfie is awesome but isn't it a bit late to zombiefy yourself? Her: What's zombiefy? Me: ...Your hair looks great!"

"Me and my wife, we have decided that we don't want kids. They are not gonna like it."

"Therapist: U need some tools to cope with ur anger Me: Like a sledgehammer? T: No. More like breathing- M: Fire? Can u make me breathe fire?"