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Joke of the Day

"Some cunt in a nightclub came up to me and said, ""I get 20 times more girls than you do, haha."" I replied, ""20 x 0 = 0."" That shut the fucker up."

"Did you hear about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her."

"How Do You Get an Elephant Out of the Fairway? You take the F out of Fair and the F out of Way"

"""And the award for Most British Name goes to..."" *Benedict Cumberbatch takes a sip of gin with his eyes closed* ""Helena Bonha-"" *spews*"

"wife: Feeling better? me: Yeah wife: Kind of overreacted to a cold didn't you? [flashback to me calling the Make-A-Wish Foundation] me: No"

"The Old Testament is the historical record of the first time we Jews controlled the media."

"*shows up to marathon with perfect hair* Yeah I've been conditioning a lot for this race"

"YOUR SO BALD THAT WHEN YOU WHERE A TURTLENECK YOU LOOK LIKE A ROLL ON DEODORANT."

"Don't you hate it when you're typing something and you're thinking about something else so then you subconsciously type what you were tits."

"What did adam say to eve? Let's save humanity."