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Joke of the Day
"How did the girl end up with ninja jizz on her face? she didn't see him coming"
Next Joke
"I saw a guy with a belt made out of wrist watches. Thought it was a pretty cool waist of time."
"I know a guy who doesn't love Raymond."
"I have a serious self-loathing problem! Trust me to say that..."
"Telling people my costume is Obama's birth certificate. If they say I have no costume, I fucking explain the facts to that racist fuckbag."
"Guys, enough jokes about the Patriots... they are getting a little flat."
"Being a parent means enthusiastically clapping for a lot of mediocre stuff. It's like being a Coldplay fan."
"Paul is coming over tonight Paul smith or Paul who puts ketchup on everything? [car pulls into driveway covered in ketchup]"
"I decided to play agar.io again... Now I hate my cellf"
"A Slinky is a great way to teach young children that it's fun to push things down the stairs."