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Joke of the Day

"A man came back from the fruit and veg shop without buying anything. The trip was fruitless. edit: wording"

"I accidentally pooped my pants in the elevator. Now I'm taking this shit to the next level."

"Why are there no Walmarts in Iraq? Because there's a Target around every corner."

"Maybe we laugh when others get hurt because it helps us cope with mortality but probably we're just dicks."

"Knock knock... Who's there? Go fuck yourself."

"You think 70 degrees yesterday and snow today is funny, Mother Nature? *empties 326 cans of hairspray outside* Knock that shit off!"

"My mother in law bought a talking parrot, but returned it a week later. ""This parrot hasn't spoke a single word."" She complained. ""I haven't had a fucking chance to!"" Replied the parrot."

"What do you call an eternity? 4 blondes in 4 cars at a 4 way stop"

"A little bit of ash falls on Hitler's shoulder. He sweeps it off and says ""Fuck off Jew"""

"What is a banged-up used car? A car in first-crash condition."