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Joke of the Day

"Every time my husband hides my pants, I have sex with him. Don't tell him I have more than one pair."

"Dr: So, how did you dislocate your shoulder? Me: I panicked when the blood pressure machine at the store got tigh- I mean football.."

"Interviewer to me: what is your weakness? I replied : Honesty. Interviewer : But Honesty is not a weakness that's a good thing. I replied: I do not give a fuck what you think."

"I bought my shoes from a drug dealer... I dont know what he laced them with,but Ive been tripping all day."

"What happened when the bankrupt eastern european jumped off a building? The Czech bounced."

"My wife's star sign was cancer and it's quite ironic how she died... She was attacked by a giant crab."

"oh i'd definitely choose flight over invisibility. i'd fly everywhere! to the living room, the bedroom. back to the living room. everywhere"

"you know how Hitler used to tie his shoes? In little nazis"

"What do Wolverine and Bruce Jenner have in common? They are both X-Men"

"(Utterly awful joke ahead) What do you call a scar left by the Swedish Chef? A borkmark."