204564

Joke of the Day

"I told you to pick up a slow cooker... All I see when I look in the kitchen is a turtle wearing a chefs hat"

"How many ninjas are in this room? As many as want to be!"

"Parents, stop giving your kids these crazy names. I just found a love letter my son wrote to a girl named ""Steven!"""

"Why do elephants have big flat feet? To stomp out burning ducks."

"What kind of fish has no father and looks like shit? A Bassturd."

"What has 9 arms and sucks? Def leppard"

"My new dentist called me back in to make another mold of my teeth. Needless to say he made a terrible 1st impression."

"Life is all about perspective The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen."

"Well this is awkward. Apparently when my wife's friend invited me over for a play-date I was supposed to bring my kids."

"BREAKING NEWS: Just in from a correspondent in the Middle East. ISIS to buy all Samsung Galaxy Note 7. #note7"