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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between dead animals on the road and dead lawyers on the road? Dead animals have skid marks AROUND them"

"How many Mexican's does it take to change a lightbulb? Juan"

"First woman in space ""Houston, we have a problem."" What? ""Never mind."" What's the problem? ""Nothing."" Please tell us. ""I'm fine."""

"If you don't know, please ask. If you don't agree, argue. If you don't like it, please say it. But don't sit there quiet and judge me."

"I like to go on OK Cupid and find the worst possible matches for myself and message them being like ""We can make this work."""

"ok kids, this is a smoke detector, if you hear it beeping change the battery, if it's still beeping, check to see if ur on fire"

"What's a butcher's favorite city? Cleaveland"

"What's the difference between a mexican and a perubian? The passport"

"[The mid 20s catch up] ""What are you drinking, who you seeing?"" [The midlife catchup] ""Who's your therapist, what are you taking for it?"""

"A friend asked if I thought there was alien life on other planets and I was like don't give up hope, there's someone out there for you"