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Joke of the Day

"How do women range penises? Disclamer: I've known this for quite some time, so maybe a repost. 1. Small 2. Medium 3. Large 4. Oh my god! 5. Is there in white?"

"How do you spell ""laughing out loud"" by using binary? 1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1"

"Just ran over my neighbors cat. In fairness, though, the damn thing probably thought he was safe when he made it to the porch."

"Dear Apple: When I want to say ""fuck"" & ""shit"" I don't want to say ""duck"" & ""shot"". So duck the iPhone! Oh, shot!"

"What's the difference between a bowling ball and a big, smelly vagina? If you absolutely had to, you could eat the bowling ball."

"How is a photon like an abandoned church? They have no mass."

"Her: Oh no, I've lost my jacket.. Me: *appears from the shadows* (whispers) you left it at the restaurant *slinks back into the shadows*"

"TIFU Your girl was on my lap"

"Me as the astronaut in that Martian movie: ""Day 1 I have enough food to last 459 days"" ""Day 2 I now have enough food to last 170 days"""

"You can convince people to go anywhere with the promise of free food."