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Joke of the Day

"Just bought some shoes from my drug dealer... I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day."

"There should be a support group for people who have touched a wet door knob in a public bathroom."

"""There's nothing more beautiful than the birth of a child."" (someone who's never seen the birth of a child)"

"My wife has been helping my neighbor hook up his VCR for 3 hours now. Starting to get suspicious... What kind of monster still has a VCR?"

"What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones, but people in Abu Dhabidooo."

"Optimism I'm not a pessimist, I'm an optimist. I just don't have a whole lot to work with."

"How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb? Zero. Let that bitch cook in the dark"

"What do an old cars and pasta have in common? They're both al dente."

"I was visiting NYC for the first time when a black guy walked up to me and asked if the Yankees won I said, ""yeah man, you're free!"""

"Her: Where ya been? Me: At the cemetery. Her: Someone dead? Me: Yeah. All of them."