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Joke of the Day

"There should be a support group for people who have touched a wet door knob in a public bathroom."

"I still not comfortable with how we spell coffee."

"I went out for dinner last night. The Captain's Basket was on special for $7.00. I tried it just for the halibut."

"What is the definition of ""trust?"" Two cannibals giving each other head."

"When ya leave Twitter it's called twittercide. What about Instagram? Instagramicide? IGicide? Instacide? Gramicide? Instadead? Instagone?"

"I'm trying to get my wife to quit smoking. Maybe I should slow down and use a lubricant."

"What do you call a deer with no eyes? No-eye-deer (no idear) ... What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?"

"Doctor Nervous by Three year old When my three-year-old was told to pee in a cup at the doctor's office, he unexpectedly got nervous. With a shaking voice, he asked, ""Do I have to drink it?"""

"My signature move is being a complete idiot trying to convince someone that I'm not drink. Drank. Drunk."

"A song is being released in aid of the families of the Malaysian Airlines flight... It's Ukraining Men."