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Joke of the Day

"I didn't know angels could fly so low."

"What do you call a bean that's good at silent acting? A pintomime."

"The E. coli in the city water supply means I am just one glass away from my goal weight."

"Ben Franklin ties a key to a kite, and he's a hero. I duct tape a kitten to a stop sign, and I'm an asshole? Really, History?"

"How do you get a homosexual man to have sex with a heterosexual woman? Shit in her cunt. (its just a joke people)"

"Can someone please invent pantyhose that don't rip? I think everyone in this bank just saw my face."

"If I weren't such a genus I'd be more specific."

"You can tell a lot about a woman by how she slices brownies. For example: if she throws the knife at you, you should pick up some midol."

"Why do stormtroopers make good drivers? They won't ever hit anything."

"Spaghetti, because you didn't like that shirt anyways"