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Joke of the Day

"Went to the doctor the other day, he told me I had to stop lap-dancing. I asked him why and he said, ""Because I'm trying to examine you."""

"people of reddit... You copy my jokes, You paste my links, You bury my comments. Godmam it, and my mom made every one pie, sleep over at my house..."

"Why is it better to hire fifty $20 hookers rather than a single $1000 escort? More poorgasms"

"So I heard on the news that there was a school shooting in my city of Chicago. It must've been a slow news day."

"[buying treadmill] Me: Can I try it out first? Salesperson: Sure Me: (pulls out laundry basket and hangs wet clothes on it) I like it."

"*Throws all 900 baby items in garbage* *Buys Magic 8 Ball* *Whispers*, This is how we raise you now."

"What's green and goes red at a flick of a switch. Kermit in a blender."

"I don't understand the purpose of smooth objects. I mean, there's no point."

"Where does virgin wool come from? Ugly sheep."

"What do you call a gay guy's kidney stones? Fruity pebbles"