203974

Joke of the Day

"My friends and I got so high in Amsterdam that we went to a local store and stole a couple of bags of ice.... We took them down to the canal and released them back into the wild."

"An Irishman walks out of a bar... hey, it could happen!"

"How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden? Hide the ball it drives them nuts!"

"My grandfather wanted to stay fit when he turned 60 so he decided to start running a mile a day. He's 65 now and we don't know where he is."

"Barista: Can I get a name? Me: Free [Later] Barista: I've got a caramel macchiato for Free *fights break out as I smile from the corner*"

"It makes sense to buy Automatic Cars, because they cost an arm and a leg."

"What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus? Reprimand from the university ethics board and immediate withdrawal of all research grants."

"Young man, you promised you will bring my daughter back by 11 pm. First, it's 3 am and second, this is not my daughter."

"How do you know an r/jokes mod is a cyberman? [deleted]"

"I farted alone in a room and then my girlfriend's dad came in. Now I have to pretend like something is dead in the walls and help him look."