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Joke of the Day

"I met Jay-Z in '09 and he said ""Meet my fiance, Beyonce"" and I was like ""That rhymes, you should rap!"" and we laughed and he sold me crack."

"I got a text! I hope it's from....... OH MY GOD, LEAVE ME ALONE"

"As a Jew, I refuse to enter any steam room or sauna until I've seen other people come out."

"*Joe Biden nibbles Obama's ear* - Please stop it *Joe whispers* Say it - No go away *angrily whispers* Say it! - ...please stop Biden my ear"

"Dear santa... Dear santa, this year, please send clothes for all those poor ladies in daddy's computer."

"I'm surprised that more people don't become astronauts The amount of space cadets I come across is startling"

"Four ply humor. My wife asks me? I want a boob job. I told her, rub some toilet paper between your tits. You wipe your ass with it all the time. Look how big your ass is."

"Weddings r cool bc u can cry in public about other stuff as long as u look in the general direction of the bride + groom"

"So U.S. Supreme Court justice Antonin Scalia died today while on a hunting trip... ...he must have gone with Dick Cheney."

"Why are seals such homebodies? Because clubbing isn't any fun."