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Joke of the Day

"Some of you are giving nihilistic pessimism a bad name... And I don't care for it."

"-Boss: ""Send me one of your funny tweets"" -Me: ""I'm working at the moment, I'll send you one later"" -Boss: ""Hahaha! Send me another one."""

"So I fucked this bitch last night, but she was really clingy. I asked a friend for his insight, he said ""Yeah man, golden retrievers can be like that sometimes."""

"My grandfather was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and Severe Dandruff... He's been really flaky lately."

"How many native Americans does it take to change a light bulb? About seven. One to change the bulb, six to sing the song."

"Watching Animal Hoarders. It's like Snow White only the animals aren't really helping with the cleaning."

"What do you call a book club that's been stuck on the same book for thousands of years? Church"

"Samsung users are like... ""Im glad Samsung is finally blowing up."""

"yesterday at the mall a woman asked for my opinion between two men's shirts and immediately went to check out with the one i didn't choose"

"Why couldn't Robin play cricket? Because he lost his bat, man."