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Joke of the Day

"How do you get a Texas Tech senior's eyes to sparkle? Shine a flashlight in his ears."

"Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms? A: They're too hard to peel."

"I'm a lonely Status. I wish more people liked me."

"Where is Wallace at? Where is his oscar nomination?"

"I went to a zoo... I went to a zoo over the weekend. There was only a dog there. It was a shitzu."

"You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink... Not if Guantanamo Bay has anything to say about it."

"""I don't think Gay Guys should be able to get abortions"" -Me when someone asks me a question that I don't know the answer to."

"[approaches parent with child on a leash] ""Mind if I pet your dog?"" Hey that's my son! ""Oh my bad. Mind if I pet your son?"""

"Screwdriver walks into a bar Bartender says hey man we have a drink named after you? The screwdriver asks ""you have a drink named Steve?"""

"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? (Slightly NSFW) A lick-a-lot-a-puss."