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Joke of the Day

"How do you get a Texas Tech senior's eyes to sparkle? Shine a flashlight in his ears."

"I just opened an Easy Bake Oven restaurant. Please call your order in, 17 hours prior to your arrival."

"Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don't wanna have to explain why I'm in your 'Random Party Pics 08' album at 4am."

"I accept your apology. Can I borrow your phone? I need to cancel the hit I put out on you."

"What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?- A wash and wear wolf"

"What do you call tea made by a stoned marsupial? High koala tea"

"Today at 8:24 PM it will be 7/16/15 8:24. That is the only time this year such a thing will happen"

"I bought an iBoat and it's syncing!"

"Being single is like a vacuum cleaner: its sucks when you're turned on"

"A man sitting in a publisher's office has his memoir turned down for a third time... He sighed and said ""story of my life."""