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Joke of the Day

"Ronda Rousey and I have something in common We both finish in 34 seconds."

"What is Chuck Liddell's favorite fruit? The Grapple..."

"I've always said that life is a lot like doing laundry There's a lot less bleeding if you separate the colors from the whites."

"Just convinced the teen up the street that he needs to change the winter air out of his tires and put in summer air. Don't do dope, kids."

"I'd probably have more friends if I didn't answer every call with ""Why did you save my number?"""

"If you text your boss that you can't come in and include the poop emoji, he doesn't ask any questions."

"[At Neiman Marcus] *looks at sales clerk* *holds up a Prada and a Burberry briefcase* I don't know...which one will hold more chicken nuggets?"

"My girlfriend says if this post will get 1000 upvotes she'll start to exist :'("

"""She had a heart of gold."" - autopsy report"

"I'm a religious man living in Colorado, and I'm starting a marijuana business. I'm calling it Holy Smokes."