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Joke of the Day

"That awkward moment when I give a guy a fake phone number and he tries to call it in front of me.. #OhShiiiit"

"Listen. I may be a nerd, but I have had sex. Just ask my wife. (Please don't ask my wife.)"

"I like my Coffee like I like my women Without a penis."

"OMG a turtle is coming to kill you, Walk for your life."

"My ex and I would role play from time to time. She would dress up as a teacher and call my mother to tell her that I ate the Crayons again."

"Turkish fundraising dinner Donor Kebab"

"[on date] ME: I like my women like I like my wine WAITER: [arrives] Anything to drink? ME: [clears throat] One glass of very hot wine please"

"What do you call a bouncer at a.. What do you call a bouncer at a gay bar? A flame thrower."

"What do you call bread from heaven? 100% holy grain"

"Having daughters is great if you want to get yelled at every time you hit a butterfly with your car."