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Joke of the Day

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, just like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."

"Holocaust joke How do you get a jewish woman's number? You roll up her sleeve."

"I shall plucketh thine eyes from ye skull and make kebobs but with bendy straws instead of skewers cuz those are dangerous"

"Why are so many Italian men named Tony? When they ship them over from the Old Country, they stamp ""To N.Y."" on them..."

"What do a teenage boy and a dog have in common? They both want to bury their bone."

"mom did you say we had four bouillon cubes or four billion cubes"

"I always set my alarm to 9:11 So I *never forget* to *wake up*."

"What did the lesbian vampire say to another lesbian vampire? ""See you next month"""

"My teacher said he doesn't like imaginary numbers because the uses are limited. I asked him whether he was for reals."

"What did the slug say to the snail? Would you like a copy of the big issue?"