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Joke of the Day

"What do 'Free bird' by Lynyrd Skynyrd and my orgasms have in common? 5 minutes solo. Meh."

"What concert only costs 45 cents? 50 cent featuring Nickleback."

"All the single ladies. All the single ladies. All the single ladies. Now put your hands up! Lol. But seriously, ladies. This is a robbery."

"An old lady at an ATM asked me if I could help her check her balance... So I pushed her over."

"When someone asks me, ""Is this seat saved?"" I like to say ""No, but we're still praying for it"" and I laugh because chairs are like, dead."

"A talking penguin walked into a bar and the bartender said: ""Hey, we have a drink named after you!"" And the penguin responded: ""Why do you have a drink named Bill?"""

"Yo mama so old that when she was in school there was no history class."

"My funeral instructions to my family were to have me cremated, and I told my best friends under no circumstances should I be cremated."

"What do you get... ... when you cross an insomniac, a dyslexic, and and agnostic? [Answer](/s ""Someone who lays awake all night wondering if there really is a dog"")"

"I love watching kids running in the park... They have no idea I'm shooting blanks"