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Joke of the Day

"An old lady at an ATM asked me if I could help her check her balance... So I pushed her over."

"""You know what, we need a huge spoon to take care of this"" -Guy who invented shovels"

"You should never get married because it can ONLY end in literally 2 ways; divorce or death! Funny... but true."

"I recently followed a guy from Ethiopia. BIG mistake. The only thing he ever tweets about is what he's not having for dinner."

"""Going bald? Shave your head and grow a goatee! People will think you're tough, not bald!"" - stupid assholes"

"I love animals, but I'm thinking of getting rid of my pet anaconda. It keeps taking horse sized dumps. Also, all my horses have gone missing."

"You know, there's one thing I have yet to witness in life. A crippled stand-up comedian."

"An attractive woman at a bar orders a double entendre. The bartender gives it to her."

"Why didn't Santa give presents to any world leaders? Because he thinks they're part of the illumi-naughty"

"Year: 2020 Cause of death: iPhone 10 Plus fell on his head."