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Joke of the Day

"All the single ladies. All the single ladies. All the single ladies. Now put your hands up! Lol. But seriously, ladies. This is a robbery."

"Come here you greedy wretch. I'll teach you to eat all your sister's birthday chocs. It's all right Dad I know how !"

"Crazy People How do crazy people go through the forest?"

"I'm wearing this hipster's carcass ironically."

"You know how some parents get mad and say your whole name? Dad : ""You are in big trouble mister. Come down here.. .......... I said COME DOWN HERE.. JIMMY GO DEEPER"" Jimmy: ""I'm trying Dad!"""

"[first date] HER: So do you prefer cats or dogs? ME: *scanning the menu* I don't even see them on here. What page are you on?"

"How do you stop a dog from biting you on monday? Kill the dog on sunday"

"Do you wish you were always broke? Are you tired of having a thriving social life? Is too much sleep boring you? Parenthood. It's for you"

"I was at a antique store and came across the first Playboy magazine ever issued...... Luckily, the owner didn't see me."

"Easter Weekend Wife: Honey, what's for Easter? Hubby: Same plan as Jesus. Disappear on Friday and reappear on Monday."