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Joke of the Day

"The white Xbox One S was just announced. Of course it's 40% smaller than the black one."

"When an avocado and a duck mate, what sound does the offspring make? Guac!"

"What does a food lover do when they try a new food? They CURIOUSLY MASTERCATE."

"Oh man, this whole time we've been trying to stop SEAWATER from gushing into our OIL. Stupid Terry was holding the diagram upside down."

"My dad told me his New Years resolution was to embrace his mistakes. He hugged my sister and I :("

"Why were the Soviets able to beat the Western Allies to Berlin? Because they were Russian!"

"Thanks for wiping down my table... a damp surface that smells like a dirty sweat sock is so much better than a few crumbs."

"I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can't have any more food and I'm never ready for that kind of commitment."

"Wife: Could you be dehydrated? Me: Of course not. W: How much water have you had? Me: Two coffees & a bourbon. W: Wow. Me: Told you."

"What do you call a woman who has a lot of sex? Her name."