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Joke of the Day

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Popeye's is across the street and I prefer take-out to dine-in."

"My sister has promised to sing at my funeral. I hope she goes before I do."

"Ariel was a minor and couldn't sign a legally binding contract. You'd think the king of the ocean's lawyers could get that shit thrown out."

"A man cooled himself to -273.15 Celsius But don't worry he's 0k"

"Dear messed-up memory, please tell me where are my keys instead of reminding me that shit I did on May 08, 2002 at 09;13;54 PM."

"Why did the cowboy adopt the weiner dog? He wanted to get a long little doggy!"

"Today I woke up to a blow job.. ..never falling asleep with my mouth open again."

"People say that asparagus makes your pee smell but its also true that your pee makes asparagus smell"

"""Let's eat, get drunk and watch people exercise"" sports fans"

"You know how if a bear is about to attack you, you're supposed to stand totally still? Your smarter friend that's running just punkd you."