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Joke of the Day

"I walked in and found my wife in bed with my best friend, I kicked them both out of the house. and he was the best dog I ever had"

"I'm allergic to chickpeas. Any time I eat them I falafel."

"When I RT what I'm actually saying is ""Fuck I wish I wrote that"""

"Why are the nordic countries the best countries to live in? Their flags are big plusses."

"How do you get down off of an elephant? You dont. You get down off a goose."

"My black pants had more cat hair on them after they came out of the dryer. Guess I should check the dryer for cats before I start it."

"What do you call a rooster drawing sh*t? Cock-A-Doodle-Doo"

"What's the difference between a woman and a computer? A computer doesn't complain when you push a 3 1/2"" floppy into it."

"Dear Kanye West, Take the diaper off your daughter and put it around your face. A lot of crap has been coming from it lately"

"How did Arnie convince his wife to move in with him? ""Live vit me if you vant to cum"""