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Joke of the Day

"*runs into wife on the way to see his mistress* Aww are those flowers for me? -Uh...yeah Is there a card too? *with a mouthful of paper* No"

"I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system! It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me."

"What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher? One minds the train the other trains the mind."

"What noise does a nut make when it has a cold? ... CASHEWW!"

"Arnold Schwarzenegger's now working in pest control... He's an ex-terminator."

"Hear about the new book that teaches both reading and STD prevention? It's called See Dick Run."

"Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag."

"What is the hardest part about eating a vegetable? The Wheelchair"

"Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish... And you are missing out on a lucrative business opportunity."

"Q: Did you hear about the bulimic bachelor party? A: The cake came out of the girl."