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Joke of the Day

"Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag."

"Why couldn't the pregnant horse sing? Because she was getting a little hoarse"

"VOTERS: we want to give a boat a ridiculous name UK: no VOTERS: we want to break up the EU and trash the world economy UK: fine"

"What did the Gregorian monk say when he was kicked out of the monastery? Give me one more chants!"

"DraftKings/Fanduel Anyone know where I can find a promo code?"

"What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile? Gladiator."

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away. That's the best plan healthcare.gov could offer me."

"I still remember taking down that bullying 12 year old on the playground like it was yesterday. My Dad was so proud. Ah, to be 30 again!"

"My girlfriend's been trying to help me with my finances. I think I'd be better off a loan."

"[Me]: ""I have hat-like reflexes"" [You]: Don't you mean cat-like reflexes? [Me]: *sitting on top of your head* ""Nope"""