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Joke of the Day

"The nephew I'm babysitting has been in a corn maze since Thursday, but I rationalize by thinking he has plenty to eat."

"What is the difference between a Windows Phone and a brick? One is a brick and the other is a brick with a screen"

"What did Jay-Z call Beyonce before they were married? Fiancee"

"[NSFW] A guy accidentally took sleeping pills instead of Viagra... he couldn't get up."

"The message in a bottle is probably my favorite form of communication that involves throwing garbage in the ocean."

"Why Harriet Tubman shouldn't replace Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill The new $20 bill will only be worth $12"

"What happened when the cannibal crossed the Atlantic on the QE2? He told the waiter to take the menu away and bring him the passenger list!"

"What do Indian Flowers grow? Patels."

"[in the woods] Me: *rescues a deer from a bear trap* Deer: I have a boyfriend"

"The way my neighbors are making their trick-or-treating kids skip my door you'd think I was handing out ecstasy pills like last year."