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Joke of the Day

"Bitty and Belly are sitting on the sidewalk A Mercedes drives by and its horn plays a familiar melody. Bitty asks, ""Is that from a movie?"" Belly replies, ""No, it's a car tune."""

"[me holding a door] PRETTY GIRL: [over her shoulder] thanks. ME: sorry, i'm married, but in time you'll get over me."

"What do you call the mercury mine? Hg wells"

"Is the squirt from an elephants trunk very powerful? Well a jumbo jet can keep 500 people oin the air for hours at a time !"

"[NO SPOILERS] Did you hear about the stormtrooper who fell asleep at The Force Awakens? He missed everything!"

"Can't think of a good Halloween costume? Go as a failed abortion. You don't even have to dress up, you uncreative fuck"

"I told the barber, ""a little off the top."" So he gave me a circumcision."

"Thank god we don't send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?"

"Why are birds always sad in the morning? Their bills are over dew"

"What do you call a gay keyboard layout? Qweerty"