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Joke of the Day

"My Grandpa said, ""Your generation relies too much on technology!"" I replied, ""No, your generation relies too much on technology!"" Then I unplugged his life support."

"Your opinion is very important to me, please remain on the line until it goes to voicemail."

"I told my old classmate at our 10-year reunion that I'm a writer. ""Oh yeah?"" he asks. ""Have you sold anything yet?"" I said, ""Sure. My house, my car, and all my stuff."""

"Why didn't the clam share his ipod? He was shellfish."

"Avoiding eye contact with co-workers is for rookies. Make eye contact and don't say anything as you pass"

"What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? One makes your whole day the other makes your hole weak!"

"What did nazi pilots eat for breakfast? Luftwaffles"

"What do you call something big and pink Deez nuts gotti"

"I told my friends I found my Lasik surgeon on Yelp and they were horrified. Or interested, I'm not sure, I can't make out faces so well."

"A boy was sent home from school... And his mum says to him 'that's the second time this week you have been sent home because students were giving you handjobs. Maybe teaching isn't for you.'"