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Joke of the Day

"I told my old classmate at our 10-year reunion that I'm a writer. ""Oh yeah?"" he asks. ""Have you sold anything yet?"" I said, ""Sure. My house, my car, and all my stuff."""

"I never judge people by the color of their skin. That's fucking stupid. I judge them by their cell phones."

"Parents: It's unfair to put your toddler on a leash if you're not going to also let them pee next to parked cars."

"I had to stop eating clocks, it was too time consuming."

"What do you call it when you grind your teeth because you are bugged you forgot your dental floss? Flossless compression!"

"Everyone's inner douche comes out when naming their wifi network."

"Winrar is not free"

"I don't know. ""Your goose is cooked"" seems like a positive. Like someone saying, ""Hey, dinner's ready. We're having goose."""

"I just don't get bukkake It goes straight over my head."

"What kind of weed do muslims smoke? Quranic"