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Joke of the Day

"Life is like a box of chocolates: Eventually it will kill your dog."

"What do you call someone who went into a birth clinic and started shooting at everyone there? Spawn camper."

"""He is survived by his poop and three hineys."" - obituary for the inventor of Mad Libs"

"Why does Noddy have a bell on top of his hat? Because he's a dickhead."

"What's the difference between a condom and a parachute? Well when condom fails a life comes, when parachute fails a life goes."

"Dammit Dad Dad: ""Whaddya got there, son?"" Son: ""Soy milk."" Dad: -pauses- ""Hola milk, soy tu padre."""

"I miss the good ol' days, when no one had a clue what 'gluten' was."

"My boyfriend said he wanted me to be more affectionate, so now I have TWO boyfriends."

"I don't like coconut so I don't eat coconut. I don't follow coconut around criticizing its texture or taste or tweets or sense of humor."

"They say the hottest person in a party never gets hit on cus people are intimidated. I'm just going to assume that's why I never get hit on."