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Joke of the Day

"What is it called when a heavy gambler goes on vacation? Paradice..."

"What do you call an arrogant robber? a condescending condescending"

"I put methanol in the punch bowl... ...and now I can't find the punch line."

"When is the Speech Therapy Class? It's hard to say."

"I'm such a crastinator... I'm way too busy redditing to go Pro!"

"Someone asked me why I only date terminal cancer patients... They asked if I did it to show them love during their waning months, which is a nice thought. But I'm really just bad with commitment."

"I walked into a room full of men and they couldn't stop staring at me. Oh...wrong toilets."

"MY KNUTS My nuts hurt so bad. Doctor says I'll have to chop em."

"I taped a slice of bread on the ceiling. And that's how you start a rave party in Ethiopia."

"What's the worst part about eating your vegetables? Putting them back in the wheel chair."