202273

Joke of the Day

"My resume is just an old VHS tape of the ""Life Goes On"" episode where Corky lip syncs ""Fight the Power"" for his school's talent show."

"People are rough on gym teachers, but let's not forget all the years they spend in college, learning how to yell a last name in a scary way."

"DR DOG: Please remove your shoes & step on the scale PATIENT: Ok DR DOG: I'll be right back *carries the shoes out of the room in his mouth*"

"Two Pigs Laying In The Sun... One pig says: ""It's so hot out here."" The other pig says: ""I am..."" (_) ( _)>- (_) ""Bacon."""

"Why did the chicken get a strike? Because it was a fowl."

"Wait! What?! The subway is flooded? WHAT ABOUT THE NINJA TURTLES?! *prays*"

"What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being raped by a giant scorpion."

"You sneeze more than 5 times in a row and I'm gonna start performing an exorcism."

"Dad cooks venison and doesn't tell the kids what it is He gives them one hint: ""It's what your mother calls me"" The boy yells: ""It's a FUCKING DICK! Don't eat it!"""

"A football player... A football player was convicted of a crime and sent to prison for several years. He went in as a tight end and left as a wide receiver."