201899

Joke of the Day

"I clicked on the ""Random"" link in the navigation bar and it brought me to the Toronto Maple Leafs subreddit Guess I mistakenly clicked on the ""Funny"" link in the navigation bar instead."

"wife: YOU changed the sheets?! [flashback to me eating nachos in bed after she told me not to and getting cheese everywhere] me: Surprise!"

"At breakfast this morning, my wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with Twitter. I nearly choked on my #Brown"

"I like my coffee how I like my Death Stars: Gigantic, on the Dark Side and powerful enough to destroy a planet."

"I have recently changed the sound of my alarm clock to ""Justin Bieber - Baby"" Now I wake up 5 minutes earlier every day, so I don't have to listen to it."

"before stairs there'd be someone on the second floor and people would ask ""how'd you get up there"" and they'd be like ""i don't know"""

"So, I was working on my truck today.. And the brake cleaner started to get me high I forgot what I was doing. So, I was working on my truck today..."

"Don't you hate that feeling when you close your eyes to apply shampoo, and get paranoid that someone will kill you in the shower."

"I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me, then I didn't show... I hope she gets the message that we aren't working out."

"Two guys walk into a bar You think the second one would be smart enough to duck"