198093

Joke of the Day

"I have recently changed the sound of my alarm clock to ""Justin Bieber - Baby"" Now I wake up 5 minutes earlier every day, so I don't have to listen to it."

"[assembling baby's cot] Wife: take that bit off Me [reluctantly removing the machine gun turret]: so anyone can just walk in here then"

"What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? can't jam peanut butter in your ass"

"What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? It is really easy to roast beef."

"Nice try, operating instructions. Nice try. I've got this. *grabs a hammer*"

"Did you know there is going to be a spin-off from that old show touched by an angel It's going to be called Touched by a Priest."

"Greatest Hipster Joke Of All Time How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool!"

"How do you tell if someone is opposed to GMOs? Don't worry, they'll tell you."

"Waking up Is the second hardest thing in the morning."

"How does every ethnic joke start? By looking over your shoulder"