201769

Joke of the Day

"Him: ""I killed the spider for you. He suffered."" Me: ( slowly turns around in swivel chair) ""Splendid."""

"*through a mouthful of Nutella* Oh, yeah, healfy eafing is sufer imfortant to me."

"""What attracted you to our company?"" Well, I heard you pay money in exchange for work"

"Silkworms Two silkworms had a race It ended in a tie."

"[commercial] ""This commercial is so confusing. I wish they would just tell us what they're selling"" narrator: Narrators"

"Someone hit me in the head with a bottle of omega 3 tablets the other day. It's OK, it was just a super fish oil wound"

"Ah Monday morning, the hideously ugly, unwanted child of the week. I'm torn between pity and the feeling of violating something with a broom"

"It's about time I talked to the boy about the birds and the bees. If memory serves, it's the stork that delivers and the swallow receives?"

"Licking whiskey off your keyboard in the morning is something everyone does, right?"

"12: ""Why don't girls like playing dodgeball?"" Because we don't like getting hit by balls. 12: *giggles for 5 minutes* You are so my child"