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Joke of the Day

"The guy who invented the Apple maps app walks into a bar ... ... and says, ""Wait a second, this isn't Subway."""

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"If you had to choose between having a love life, or a lifetime supply of pudding: How much chocolate pudding would you eat that first day?"
"What is skeleton? Interviewer:what is skeleton? Sardar:Sir, skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!"
"*queen points out window* ""what's that flashing out the window?"" ""Lightning, My Queen"" *car busts thru window* DID I HEAR LIGHTNING McQUEEN"
"[SETI receives extraterrestrial signal from 95 light years away] [scientist decodes message in the signal] ""enough...with...the...Harambe...jokes"""
"I asked my lawyer cousin, an orthodox Jewish man, his opinion on gay marriage He said ""that would be GREAT for business"""
"What's the difference between 9/11 and a hand job? 9/11 was an inside job"
"What do you call an Asian in a tank? A chink in the armor."
"Tried new pain medication, and an hour later 3 penguins in military fatigues walked into the room and told me I need to kill Mussolini's cat"
"The NRA will now be arming fetuses in utero so that they can defend themselves against abortions"
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