201709

Joke of the Day

"What would you do? geaNostra"

"I used to listen to old Mitch Hedberg recordings.. I still do, I just used to too."

"Did you hear about the restaurant that got closed down because they were serving just the rear ends of animals? Just-ass was served"

"Why did the bees build the hive? It's in their beehavior."

"my chemistry always told me ""if you're not part of the solution..... then you're part of the precipitate"""

"I asked my trainer ""Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?"" He pointed outside and said ""The ATM machine"" [ c/o /u/jubileo5 ]"

"A good way to get to know your date is to ask about their first pet, favorite movie, and mom's maiden name. Then login and read all their emails."

"How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb? One, although it's probably screwed in too tight anyway."

"Why is there only a stairway to heaven but a highway to hell? Because of anticipated traffic numbers!"

"I asked a girl to text me when she got home She must be homeless"