201543

Joke of the Day

"My wife just told me she's leaving me if I don't stop drinking I told her "" Come on honey just one more drink, and I will help you pack!"

"What's the powerful weapon in Greenland's arsenal? The Nuuklear Bomb"

"Thank you student loans for helping me get through college and for all that you've done for me! I don't know how I'll ever repay you."

"How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb? Two: one to screw in the bulb and one to hold the ~~cock~~ ~~father~~ LADDER"

"Pots and pans set: $70. Wrapping paper: $5. Tape: $3. Watching your mother unbox and attempt to wrap said pots and pans: priceless."

"I bought shoes from a drug dealer I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day"

"Me: my fitbit broke Sales Guy: how Me: i put it on my dog's tail and asked him who's a good boy Sales Guy: if i give you a new one can i see"

"Every time someone tells you they are a vegan an angel eats a dog."

"What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? ""ghughgugjjch"""

"What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you probably won't like it as an adult."